you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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