She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
