I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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