Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
