You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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