Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So vagazzling was a success
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
