I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
