I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
