worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
