good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize