Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
