do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
