Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
