Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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