There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
