Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
