ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize