how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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