I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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