My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
