yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
