It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
last night I used snow as a chaser
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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