i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I wear drunk well.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
