before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
