The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
