Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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