we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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