I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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