He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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