you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
