Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
