I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's like iHOP with fire
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
