i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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