Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So. Much. Porn.
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