My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
