just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
