in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
