you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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