all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
