On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
