i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We had sex on a dog bed..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
