So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
