She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
