omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
