What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
