Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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