its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
