I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
