I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
