i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
