I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
