hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
