just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
