My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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