No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish you could order shots online.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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