God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
