I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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