your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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