once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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