Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
