Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
