He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize