i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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