I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize