he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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