One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you will always have a special place in my vag
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Alive.
So much puke
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
