Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
