so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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