her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Never underestimate the power of titties
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
