did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
