Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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