so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
