I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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