I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
