It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
