Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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