The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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