every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
