i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
