Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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