you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
