My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
