My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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