they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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