What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
