the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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