I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
