Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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