The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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