i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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