can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
