You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
