You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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