i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
