you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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