At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize