these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
