its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
