Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
