shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
