I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
