I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
