you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
