Is it normal to miss your booty call?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
