Barsexuality is the new black.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
