Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
