On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
