the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
